Day 9 Ilfrascum- Lynmouth (711 short)

.....that means I've paddled 139 miles.

Ilfracombe was ghastly today aside from a few polite humans there were a lot of ignorant rude people.... I guess the weather didnt help them to be filled with holiday cheer!    It took ages to launch the boat as low tide Ilfracombe is a bit of a pain. But that was the best bit of my day gusts of upto force 6/7 were both felt on the water and evident on the forecasting sites. I'd stipulate a direction, but that would suggest there was only one, instead of the constant variety I experienced.
   I reached breaking point today physically I feel great, technically and tactically my skills are better than they ever have been, but psychologically I'm smashing into a mountain side, I cannot see me completing the circumnav so I'm now trapped with a nagging 'whats the point?'  I can move my goals to something more achievable in this unseasonal weather but in my heart the kayak south 850miles has still failed therefore so have I, and no matter what is said the voice in my head when I sleep is the voice I have to live with. And I'm fine with that, what I won't be fine with is failing my friends family and indeed the oceans I care so much about. 
My blog has had around 6000 page views yet only raised around £500 it is so simple to donate to the MARINE CONSERVATION SOCIETY  you have to be able to separate between what I'm doing and what the Marine conservation society are doing. .... the oceans aren't mine they aren't yours and the flaura and forna that inhabits them aren't anyone's either yet we behave like we have domain over them when we simply don't.  If you read this blog post text just £1 maybe 2 if you're feeling flush it'll make a difference to the ocean. Its gotta be worth it I'll be doing it immediately after writing this. I wonder if you do to? KSAE50 £2 to 70070 
I truly don't know if I'll paddle tomorrow but I hope someone else does..... I adore kayaking but my time of doing it alone seems to be passing, there are some phenomenal athletes out there that are able to become isolated from their friends and family and endure massive hardships to achieve their goals, thats not me I'm a guy that can endure hardship for my loved ones, But not for this......I think the challenge is a good one, I think I've been unfortunate with the weather that I keep encountering and I'm unhappy more than I'm happy on the water right now but I couldn't feel more blessed by the support I have received. If I choose not to continue I do it for my own wellbeing over a challenge,  but the oceans don't matrer any less to me

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